hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
