I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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