What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
