omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
