the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
