Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
