He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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