We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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