I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
