If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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