Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
