i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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