Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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