Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
