Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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