what day is it and did you see me today?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
