he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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