Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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