i think my tv is drunk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
