As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
