Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
