found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
