I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
