I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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