But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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