Christians are straight up FREAKS
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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