i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
