Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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