i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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