Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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