YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
