Whod you bang
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
