the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
