weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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