She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
