do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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