i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
