my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
