i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
