I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
