we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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