I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
