Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
