I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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