dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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