Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
