The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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