just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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