My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
