I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
