why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
